it's january 8th, 2 AM. it's been just 6 days, tomorow will be the first week. i decided to make this blog, just for him. recently i abandoned all socials, i disappear from the sight of everyone i know, i made some big changes since he left (or was it me who left?) i quit smoking, almost a week without a fucking cigarrette, it's not worth it anymore, i think i wanted to be fine after he left, or wanted to do things for me, i've been doing "great", or at least thats what i think, but that definitely doesnt mean i dont miss him, nor that im not crying anymore, "just let me cry a little bit longer". i wouldve like this to be like a diary where i write since day 1, but i was busy in my mind lol, trying to not think about him, trying to keep myself doing something and forgeting (at least trying), i know pretty well thats not happening any soon, but anyways ill keep doing things for me till then. 2 days ago i walked, a lot, i like walking, i sure liked walking with him ToT, i walked 10 km to the place of our last "date" if you could call it that, the place we last see eachother. it was kinda healing tbh, buuuut, i didnt consider the weather lmao, i burned myself like i never did before, and its hurting A LOT, but honestly not more than being all alone now, i want to talk to someone so badly, i miss him and my old life a lot, everything was so different, and now i just stay home and listen to music all day. but you know what, this boredom and loneliness its actually working on me, i feel more connected with myself and my sourroundings, the detox of social media its heaven, i was tired of being hella adictted to what other people were doing or if they liked me or texted me, now i have even the notifications off, and i know NOTHING about everyones, and this is fucking freedom, i think everyone should try some distance of social media and comeback to these old blogs and shit like that, i feel peace. well this is i think day one, or part one of this blog, i just made it, and i have a lot to work on, its hella ugly tbh, but ill make it cuter, and maybe tomorow i will have something new to say, i think i still have a lot to say, specially to him, but my brain is tired af so i cant make words make sense rn lmao, so i have to rest and later maybe do some poetry or some shit yk, i hope he someday will read this, till then, my love, habibi, i love you more than i couldve said and ill love you till this blog dissapear, so if youre reading this, yep i still fucking love you, please comeback bitch, wtf are we doing.